Feel better? I could have used someone telling me that about 10 years ago when I walked right into one of the fiercest hormonal battles of my life. First of all, I had never heard of peri-anything. Menopause? Yeah. I had heard of that. My mom called it “the change” and I knew that sooner or later it would happen. I just had no clue exactly when or how. But,peri-menopause? Umm, no.
My mother was fully menopausal in her early 40′s. I thought it might happen that way for me. too. That is, I would turn 40-something and then it would just happen. Yeah. Stop. Just like that. But at 51 and still getting that monthly visitor, well, it’s safe to say it didn’t happen that way and I’m now charting my own unique path.
So what isthis thing called perimenopause and how exactly does one get it??? Well, the word “Peri” simply means, “around or about”. So, technically, perimenopause is “around or about menopause” You are approaching it, but you’re not completely there yet. I guess in our mother’s day this time would have just been called…”going through the change”. You’ve heard that right?
That’s what my mother always said when she talked about women who were in the middle of it. “She’s going through the change”. It always had this ominous ring to it and she always said it with great sympathy in her voice. Like, “the poor girl, she’s going through the change” And well, now I can see why. It’s brutal. We need all the sympathy we can get.
For me, it started when I was 41. I had this “phantom period” as they call it, that essentially came from no where and for no apparent reason. 
No signs or signals that it was coming…..it just showed up, unannounced - and definitely uninvited.
I didn’t give too much attention to it until I unexpectedly conceived my last child.
She was a pleasant surprise, however, and definitely the best thing that came out of that very tumultuous time.
So, this phantom period comes along, I get baby number three and then, BAM! It happened. The hormone ride from hell.
Having never had bona fide PMS, I can’t say I had much experience with what began to happen to me. But can I also use it as an excuse for my complete inability to cope?
I started having heavy periods. Like so heavy I couldn’t leave the house. Then it swung to the other side and I would simply spot for a couple of days. There was never any rhyme or reason to it and I couldn’t predict from month to month what would happen. I just had to hang on and cross that bridge when I got there. Then the crazy mood swings hit.
Now, when I say mood swings, I do not mean I was a little testy. I mean I was full throttle into MOOD SWINGS! One day I would wake up and I would be paralyzed with depression. I would cry uncontrollably over commercials. I could hardly get out of bed.
Then, that would pass and the wicked witch of the west would show up and I didn’t have any red shoes I could click to get home……..she hung around and tortured me. Or should I say, she hung around and I tortured my family?
My eyes would bulge out of my head, veins would pop out of my neck, I would scream and rant for days. Who was this woman and where did she come from?
And so it went, month after month. For years. Now, I suppose I could do a snappy, blog appropriate list of all the symptoms I had, but I won’t bore you with that. Suffice it to say, I had them all and you can find most of them here. My main desire at the moment is to encourage any of you that are now in the middle of, the beginning of, or like me, at the back side of this strange and curious time called “perimenopause”.
You are not going crazy and it is very real. So real in fact, that approximately 80% of women experience it in one form or another. Your hormones are rocking and rolling, trying to find a new place to settle down so that you can begin Volume II of your life. But, while that is happening there is great turbulence.
I can’t offer a cure-all for you. But I can encourage you and tell you that “this too shall pass”. Though I still get that dreaded visitor every month, the dips and turns that I went through for the first few years are not as deep and definitely not as extreme. For the most part, things have settled down for me and I’m waiting (though I can’t say patiently) for the ultimate “pause” to occur.
My dear cyber friend Eileen, over at “The Feisty side of Fifty” tells me to hang in there, that the best is coming. I can’t wait. I’m counting on it being a huge payoff for the pain I’ve had to endure for the past ten years. That is the way it works right? Pain and then the gain? Let’s hope so.
In the meantime, please visit me at The Perimenopause Blog where you can find more posts and more information on perimenopause. See you there!
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi — found you via a blog via a link from the Feisty Side of Fifty… Early onset menopause runs in my family and in my late 30s I can already relate to many of the symptoms and craziness you describe in your blog. People think I’m crazy for labeling myself as peri-peri menopausal, but with so many of the symptoms plus the family history, so why not? Anyway, I love your blog and will read your other entries on perimen and menopause. I am taking an all-natural (holistic) approach to symptom control and am following the advice at a site called WomentoWomen.com. I highly recommend it — since I’ve brought my hormones into better balance via diet, exericse, etc. I feel so much better (though definitely still have a crazy moment or two!)
Hello Jacqueline,
Thanks very much for stopping by! I also began peri-menopause in my late thirties, though I didn’t begin noticing real changes until my early forties.
It was a very difficult time for me, though now, at fifty-one, I’m really beyond most of it. I still have a couple of days of really bad mood swings, but for the most part, the worst is over.
I have found some excellent holistic approaches that have helped me as well. I also recommend it highly over traditional HRT (which I tried but did not like).
I will also check into the website you’ve listed. I would love to see what your website is about as well. I’ll stop over.
thanks!
Mags
I am 48 and have been in peri for the last year. It’s quite odd not recognizing your body any more. My periods last forever…I’ve had two endometrial biopsies to make sure all is ok…and thankfully , it is. My uterine fibroids are flourishing, and I have them monitored regularly. I’m moody, not sleeping great, occasionally headachy. Who is this person? My estrogen is raging big time. It’s a challenge.
I’m so glad to have found your blog. It’s a relief to know that you’re not alone and to gain knowledge.
Robin
http://www.MotherhoodLater.com
(for moms with more life experience than baby experience)
Hello Robin,
Thanks for stopping by and I’m glad you find my blog too.
Perimenopause is a humdinger, to say the very least. My mission is to help women to realize they are not alone in the experience.
I have found it to be by far, one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I’m almost 52 and have lived through a lot. But, perimenopause takes the cake.
Come back often. Your contributions are welcome.
I will stop over and check out your blog as well.
Hi, so glad I came across your blog. I’m 48, perimenopausal and going thru hell, especially in the last couple of months. I don’t have hot flushes, irregular or heavy periods infact they’re like clockwork and light but what I do have is headaches, depression, trouble sleeping and severe mood swings and I’m talking CRAZY, Iike I’m ready to knock someone out! I get into such bad arguments with my husband I feel our marriage is at risk. I don’t want to take HRT because of the associated risks. Can you or your readers recommend something I can take that is safe and actually works.
Sara
Hi Sara,
I’m glad you found my blog too.
I understand the going through hell stuff. Been there. So, done that.
Obviously, we’re all different and what works wonders for one person might only bring so-so results for another.
I had trouble with depression, insomnia and manic mood swings as well.
I tried everything I could think of including HRT with no help at all. I eventually began to take a variety of supplements under the guidance of a medical doctor who was trained in natural alternatives for perimenopause.
She did blood and saliva tests to determine exactly how screwed up my body chemistry was.
After a few months of various supplements, I was able to whittle it down to a few things that really did help.
Soy, for my hot flashes (which I know you don’t have, but just in case they crop up, it really helped me a lot). Natural progesterone for night sweats, insomnia and mood swings, plus anti-depressants.
My mood swings were so severe and the depression was so overwhelming that I finally had to cry uncle and take something stronger. The Saraphem (which is a low-dose prozac marketed to perimenopausal women) helped get me through the worst of my mood swings.
After about two years, I weaned myself off of it and began to deal with them on my own. It got easier of course when my dips and turns from my hormones weren’t so severe.
I also took Ambien to help me sleep and eventually was able to back off of that and now I take something called “Simply Sleep” by Tylenol. It is very low dosage and is just enough to help me sleep.
Take heart in the fact that you really will get through it and it does get better.
I would try to explain to my husband in the best way possible that it is not him you are unhappy with. it is your hormones and truthfully, you really can’t help it.
I don’t know if it will help. My husband continued to take it personally no matter what I said, but what else can you do?
Hang in there.
Come back often if you need to and peruse some of the other blogs in my blogroll. There is help and good information out there if you look.
Wow, I didn’t realize so many women were going through the same thing I am going through. I’m 46 years old, in nursing school, and I think I’m perimenapausal. I’ve been having hot flashes for years but all the sudden, in my last half of nursing school no less, I’m starting to get really moody, forgetful, air-headed, and it seems I’m even forgetting how to spell (which I use to be a great speller). I get overwhelmed really easy and I just can’t think straight sometimes. Boy, did this hit at the perfect time. I thought I was going crazy! Reading other women’s comments really helps!
Hello Juanita,
yes, millions of women are going through it. My worst symptoms right now are hot flashes at night and mood swings.
The mood swings for me have always been the worst though. Mine are not nearly as bad as they used to be. I just have a few days where I’m really, really edgy and not so nice. Usually towards my husband.
But, again, like I’ve tried to tell him FOR YEARS, it’s not planned, nor can I *control* it. So far, it hasn’t helped. He continues to take it personally, so i guess that’s the way it will be for us.
The best thing I can tell you about it is that it really, really, REALLY does get better and the symptoms become fewer and less severe.
Oprah did a huge show on it this week. Dr. Christine Northrup has a book out called “The Wisdom of Menopause” that I hear is a great source.
I’ve not read it, but my look into myself.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hi Jo,
How wonderful that you are looking out for your mom. Very sweet indeed
Depending on the person, remedies for the mood swings can be wide and varied. I tried different supplements which had been prescribed by a medical doctor who was trained in natural approaches to menopause.
I spent hundreds of dollars every month because our insurance would not cover them. Unfortunately, they really didn’t work for me. I ended up going to another doctor and getting a prescription for Sarafem; which is a low dose of Prozac that is marketed to women with severe PMS – like menopause mood swings. It was the ONLY thing that helped me stay somewhat sane.
It was very, very difficult for me and subsequently, for my family. I’m so sorry your dad is suffering – but think about how much your MOTHER is suffering. It’s not like she is doing it on purpose. She really does not have control over it. That tiny fact right there is enough to drive us out of our minds. I would be willing to be that she really wants to be able to control it. But, it’s not about mental control – it’s her biology. You can’t control hormones.
Once your mom gets towards the end of the perimenopause, it really does get better. I still get edgy and I have bouts of bluesy depression. But, it’s NOTHING like I went through 5 years ago. Not even close.
Maybe you can point your mom to this blog and she can find some more information on other blogs here as well. There are so many things she can do. She just needs to find what works for her and what she is comfortable with.
Hi!
I personally do not have this sort of problems yet but it’s good to know about them before they occur. My mother, on the other hand has recently turned 50 and for the last few years she’s really been having trouble sleeping at night. There are other symptoms too,then again, certain mood swings etc.may be cofused with regular PMS [if it doesn't happen too often]. Lately my mom is back on track with the sleeping shedule [well, it's better anyway] but the mood swings are becoming even worse and she’s been having some bad headaches. I’m in college so i can’t be home too often, but she is driving my dad crazy with the mood swings and the crazy ideas…but she’s nto like that all the time, or at least, not that we’ve noticed. Is there anything to do, besides being supportive and waiting for this to pass? Aren’t there any remedies at all? I have read about some med. plants that help restore the hormonal balance but I was wondering whether anyone knew more.
Thanx!
Hello Rose, yes, perimenopause is real and yes, it makes you feel like you’re going crazy. For some of us, we really do go crazy – for a time anyway.
Birth control pills only worsened my crazy, and herbal supplements only mildly helped if at all with my crazy mood swings and anxiety. I bit the bullet and went for Prozac. It worked.
If I am anything, it’s pragmatic. I really believe people have to find what works and do that. If St. John’s Wort does it for you, stick with it. If not, keep trying until you find what does. finally, don’t stress over the fact that you may need something more pharmaceutical – such as prozac, if you need it. The good thing is, it’s only for a time and you will not need it forever.
But, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Thanks for stopping by and I’m glad you’ve been able to find something useful here.
OK……Now I understand some of what is going on with me… I had a period that lasted 5-6 week(heavey with times that seem like it was stopping but did not ) I went to the doctor they ran every test….over the next 2 months… which caused great stress and anxiety……ultra sounds found fibroids and a cyst on my ovaries… had a pap smear and uterine biopsy all came back with no signs of cancer… she has put me on yaz and my periods are under control.she told me from the begining that it was hormonal. I went to the specialist and he confirmed everything that was two weeks ago,,, I should be happy right!!!!!!!1 not !!!!a week of feeling fine and relieved, now i am anxiety ridden, depressed, cloudy thinking, tender breast. vagina dryness, no sex drive and did I mention anxious????????? I have taken yaz for 2 months…is this enough time to level off the hormones,,,should I take something else.my doctor does not want to give me antidepressants but I feel lik I am losing my mind………..
Oh by the way I am 46…………..I don’t know if some of the anxiety is from the fact that I wa anemic and run down when I went and all the testing caused me so much stress… and now everything is catching up with me…..
Hi Ocean Girl,
Perimenopause. It’s fun ain’t it? If you’ve been on yaz for a couple of months and your doctor doesn’t feel you need antidepressants, maybe he/she is thinking they want you to give a little more time?
I tried birth control pills and frankly they made my symptoms worse. I was already “crazy”. But, after taking pills I became psychotic.
I went to a medical doctor who was trained in natural approaches to menopause. She tested my hormone levels. One thing she pointed out was that my adrenal glands were shot from stress. So, that fun, run down feeling I was experiencing was from my adrenals, which could never recover because “stress begats stress” and well, I was stuck in a loop that I couldn’t get out of.
I took hundreds of dollars per month of supplements that only marginally helped my symptoms. I whittled them down to the things that I felt “really” did some good. That was: calcium/magnesium; plant based progesterone and an estrotone.
The calcium/magnesium helped with nerves. It also helped with sleep. The progesterone helped with my hot flashes and night sweats, as did soy milk which I drank every day. The estrotone helped with breast soreness and vaginal dryness.
All of them together, helped with sleep. So, I took everything at night. At my more serious bouts of insomnia, I also took Ambien. I took Ambien for about 3 years. When my mood swings became unbearable, I took a low dose Prozac, also marketed at Sarafem.
I wasn’t happy about the Ambien or the Prozac. But, my mood swings and insomnia were so severe that I really had no choice.
I would recommend that you continue talking to your doctor. If you don’t feel you are getting any relief in another month, I would think about doing something else.
Some people swear by the bioidentical hormones. Is there a physician you can see about having these prescribed?
And finally, don’t be afraid of antidepressants. You can get a dosage low enough that you have minimal side effects and great benefits in helping you get your emotions under control.
Hang in there girl. I promise it will get better.
Magnolia
Thank-you so much you are a sweetie………. I will give it another month .. I picked up some vitamins today, they are called stresstabs, I thought I would give them a whirl.. I have to say my doctor suggested seeing a counsellor but I am not good about opening up… I have made a point of walking every night and talking to friends and family in the last couple of days to see their experiences. There are times in the day when I feel great and then within seconds the anxiety sets in again.
does soda pop have a negative effect on anxiety as well?? sounds like a silly question but was just wondering…
I find that doctors who recommend such things as hobbies or a counselor during this time, don’t exactly “get it”. You know? There is so much new research that has been out there for years. You would think they would have caught on by now.
Blowing off steam or venting with a friend is cheaper anyway. Or, you could just keep coming by this blog and unloading. You can be sure you will get LOTS of support and empathy.
The walking is a great thing to do. I walked, ran, swam and tried to spend as much time in my whirl pool bath with a glass of wine as I could.
I would think that the pop wouldn’t be helping your case, frankly. In fact, caffiene, sugar and processed “anything” is really not going to do much for your nervous system right now.
Healthy food, as in, as close to its natural state as possible (think fresh veggies, steamed) whole grains (quinoa is superb), any form of excercise (but something that induces sweat will really help), lots of water and as much healthy sleep as you can get will go a loooong way in helping you feel better.
Remember: This really WILL pass. You just have to be vigilent in taking care of yourself physically. And above all else, give yourself a break girl. You really deserve it.
Helloooo…It is me again…….Tried my best to use all my coping skills but it was tooooo uncomfortable…I seem like I wa sgetting worse…I went to an different doctor and broke down and told her my symptoms…she prescibed Zoloft…. hopefully this will help… I used them 6 years ago for a year… and then gradally weaned myself off…….. she explained to me that the birth control pills were throwing my hormones out of whack…………. and it would take time to regulate….she said the antidepressant will help me through the process… keeping my fingers crossed………..
Hi Ocean Girl,
I understand how the pills could whack you out. They certainly did me. I mean, if you think about it, your hormones are already out of kilter, then to just throw some more estrogen in there, well, talk about a special kind of molotov coctail.
I’ll never understand why some physicians think the answer to hormone imbalance is to add more hormones in a random manner. It’s like throwing kerosene on a fire if you ask me.
Personally, I fought the antidepressants because I hated feeling so out of control. I so wanted to be able to manage it on my own. But, eventually, my mood swings became so unmanageable that I really had no choice. It was either antidepressants or a possible jail term for manslaughter.
I would say my worst years were between the ages of 45 & 49. I’ve long since gotten past the extreme swings, so, hang in there. Take what you need to take and hang on. It will pass.
What an amazing blog! Thank you for taking the time to put so much effort into it. I am fairly young, but have had issues with my hormones since my late teens. Now……. two kids later, things have gotten worse. My quest has been a long one. After I have a child I lose over 50% of my hair! Then the mood swings, insomnia, libido all bottom out. When I could no longer blame it on the fact that I was up every 3 hours around the clock, I had to find something natural to combat these symptoms. My gyn. suggested birthcontrol, but I do not do well with it. I have tried many kinds in the past. I stumbled upon a site that talks about bioidentical hormones. I have found a physican that is wonderful, and actually understands my concerns and problems. Just thought I would share incase it can help anyone else out.
http://www.bodylogicmd.com/for-women/pms-hormones
http://www.bodylogicmd.com/for-women/perimenopause
Thanks again…. I will certainly be back.
Hello Alicia,
Thanks for the complements on the blog. It’s actually imploded a couple of times and I’ve been actively rebuilding it the past couple of weeks, so I’m so glad there was something actually posted that you could read. Had you come 2 weeks ago, you may have only found a shell.
I too had post-partum hair loss after my 3rd child. It was scary, but I soon found out it had a name when I begin to search for information on it. But, I was 42, nearly 43 when I had my last child and went right into perimenopause after she was born. Not a happy time for me.
I’ve never tried the bioidentical hormones. I tried traditional HRT and it certainly didn’t work for me nor did birth control pills. In fact, they just made it worse.
I did do the natural supplements route and they brought “some” relief. Eventually, I whittled my symptoms down to a few things that actually helped and that included a natural progesterone, antidepressants (for the crazy mood swings) calcium/magnesium, soy milk, natural estrotone & ambien (to help with sleep)
Those things got me through the worst of it. I wish I could say that the combination of it all took away all of my misery, but, alas, it did not. It just helped alleviate some of the symptoms and the rest of it was merely me hanging on for dear life while it passed.
I’m closer to menopause than I was then, that’s for sure, but at 52, I STILL get a monthly, near monthly cycle. It’s really, really heavy and very difficult to manage when it comes. But, the insomnia, crazy depression & rages have subsided. So have the night sweats and hot flashes for the most part.
It’s been a special kind of hell I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Clearly it is something women are having a tough time with and I plan to keep blogging about it.
Thanks for coming by. When you come back, hopefully, I will have added more content.
I’m glad to see you have been able to keep it up and running.
I too have tried calciam/magnisum. I have also given melatonine a try. I’m pretty sure I just spelled that wrong.
I just wanted to give an update…… I will be doing my saliva test a week from Saturday. It has to be done at a certain time of your cycle. So for right now it is a waiting game. I’m so very excited to get it completed and see my physician again. This will be my first consultation with him. I was albe to meet him at a seminar he gave. I would highly recommend it if there is one near you.
http://www.bodylogicmd.com/local-seminars
I will keep everyone posted with my progress.
Hello again Alicia,
Yep, I’ve managed to keep the blog up and functional. Thank God for small miracles, eh?
Yes, saliva test. I did one myself. Here’s what she told me: You’re in perimenopause
I really already knew that though, but it did offer her some sort of baseline to begin my supplement treatment.
One of the biggest things that my doctor noticed about me was that my adrenal glands were S-H-O-T. The cycle of stress was a hard one for me break and it was a huge factor in my fatigue (which was huge). But, really, when you think about it, it’s bound to happen. Your hormones get whacky and you start to experience insomnia. Or you get night sweats and can’t sleep. You can’t sleep so you’re fatigued during the day. You’re fatigued and you begin to get stressed. The stress compounds the insomnia the next night, you don’t sleep, you wake up fatigued. Now, you’re running on little sleep which in and of it self causes a type of stress. And on and on and on it goes. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle. So, when she told me my adrenals were shot, it was like, well…..duh.
Thanks for the links and yes, please come back and give an update. Let us share in your misery AND your victories.
Thank you Alicia for the great link! I just signed up for a seminar with one of their doctors – I’ve had issues with my thyroid for years now and I haven’t ever heard of using bioidentical hormones for relief. I visited the link that you posted – out of curiosity – the one on perimenopause. I was surfing the site and then I saw on the “womens” tab, “thyroid health”… the symtoms listed fit me to the tee – they really seem to know what they’re talking about – if you haven’t already seen it, definitely check it out.
Dear Magnolia,
thank you for this blog!!!! and the warm words. I’m 53 now and going through all the possible peri symptoms, starting with mood swings, depression, crying spells, hating my husband, outbursts of energy or extreme fatigue, anxiety, palpitations, hot flashes, aversion to chores. I also feel very needy at times, which I have never been before. Every day is a SURPRISE and I can’t even plan anything anymore… sometimes I think that I will never end.
Hugs and Love to All the WOMEN for sharing – it does make me stronger!!!
Hello again Anna
I’m cruising around my blog answering your comments.
Yeah, I’ve had all of the symptoms you’ve described. All of them. thankfull, mine are starting to wane now, but about 5 years ago it was the pinnacle of hormonal madness. I thought I would never make it.
It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I was officially middle aged. I hated that idea. Fertility to me meant sexual attractiveness. It meant worth. It meant value.
Now, it just means a royal pain in the butt and I’m ready to unload it completely.
I plan to do some more posts on different alternatives for symptom relief. So, be sure and come back and see us again.
Hello My names Sherrie
Im 49 and Hate perimenopause …. I feel so odd and strange Im also a christian who loves God and wonder why He doesnt make this go away …. Im gonna try some natural stuff for this …. Hope it works , is there peace in the middle of this nightmare called perimenopause ? yes there is peace when I trust in God , I cry alot , my husband tells me it will be alright , I wanna enjoy my life not dread each day. God says in his word He will never leave us or forsake us , I try to stand on His promises and ask Him for strength. ,I take alot of omega 3 fishoil, black kohosh , Its a hard road too walk, But In the middle of all this strange mess , even though I cant see God working and wonder if He’s there at times , I know He will help me if I will trust in Him , its just hard when things dont feel normal.
I guess thats faith though trusting God even when it looks bleek and dark..
I have found moments of peace in the middle of the storm, and believe if I will take my eyes off of my problems He will show too be the Lord of perimenopause.
my only strength during this time is knowing Jesus came to save that which was lost , lost in a maze of confusing symptoms , He will lead me out of this into His marvelous light. He is a good God , and has perfect timing , even though at times I wonder why He doesnt respond the way I think He should.
In the end every knee shall bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.
And even perimenopause has to bow and make Jesus Lord.
I hope some can identify , and Jesus will shine His light in your darkness , as He has for me many times for me when I felt I couldnt go on.I have tough times and good times . But its good too be able too express myself here.
Nice too meet you im Sherrie.
( cann we add a pic to our pro ? )
Hello Sherrie,
Boy, do I know how you feel hon, I really, really, do. And kudos to your sweet husband for supporting you so and comforting you. So many husbands just don’t know how to handle perimenopausal women. For him to be so kind and non-judgmental is such a gift for you. You have a lot to be thankful for.
You know as Christians, sometimes it is hard for us, especially if we’ve seen God do great miracles in our life, to deal with difficult circumstances. I guess we think life should always be smooth sailing or something. But, he doesn’t promise us that. In fact, he said, “in this life you SHALL have tribulations”. I would say that perimenopause falls under the heading of tribulations, wouldn’t you?
He does promise us he will not allow us to be tempted above that which we are able to bear and that he will never leave us nor forsake us. Perimenopause is just a stage. A time of life that we must pass through. Some of us pass through it relatively easily (at least, that’s what I hear. I haven’t actually MET those women
) the rest of us have an “H” of a time.
When we’re in the thick of it, it feels like it will never end. I know. That is how I felt for years. My symptoms have gotten better. I no longer rage out of control screaming at the top of my lungs at people. I no longer fall in the deepest, darkest, depths of despair with depression and cry uncontrollably for days on end. I still get my periods fairly regularly and I do get edgy for a few days here and there and a little bit of the blues. But now I can actually tell myself……”Cool it. You know what this is” and get it together. For so long, I just couldn’t.
If you haven’t been to the doctor to have your hormone levels tested, I would highly recommend doing that. There are so many things you can do that can help you cope. I don’t think anything (and this is just my personal opinion….take for what it’s worth) gets rid of ALL of our symptoms. But, they can become more manageble.
Look, when you’re stressed from mood swings, hot flashes, insomnia and just a general feeling of ‘what the heck is happening to me’, it tends to color your perceptions in a more dire way and everything seems worse than it is.
Feel free to come here and whine and cry or bitch your head off. This is a safe place to unload emotions and confused feelings. that is what my intentions were when I started this blog. You’re not going crazy. I promise. It just feels that way. And again, God bless your husband for being so kind to you. He sounds like a keeper.
Yes, add your pic to your bio. Check out this site to do it: http://en.gravatar.com/
Hi Magnolia,
boy do I hope you are still out there with us. I don’t know what to do anymore “who am I ” ???? I don’t know anymore……I am quite sure that I am in fact losing my mind. I can not do anything anymore, quite frankly even writing this is taking an effort for me. I have the women to women stuff still in a box ready to be taken but of course these supplements need to be taken with food (food yuck)
I don’t know how long this has been going on as I have had four billion different diagnosis until I started doing my own research. Everyone around me is suffering the consequences of everything that I am going through……..laundry is piled to the hilt, myhouse is filthy (and I am a clean freak) I always say tomorrow….tomorrow I will wake up and somehow I will be ME……….I can not sleep, eat & I most certainly am in full blown depression. I do not have insurance right now to even try to get SOMETHING, ANYTHING to help this nightmare. When I do sleep I am afraid to wake up because all of these insane thoughts go through my brain: mostly memories of who I use to be. I have tried to talk to my Mother about this mess and her advise is “keep busy” (she swears she never went through this nor ever had PMS) . The one time I was able to go to the Doctor (three years ago) I was informed I was peri-menopausal and the doctor told me it would be worse for me as I never conceived a child. People call to chat (I don’t want to chat) I have become anti phone. I also noticed someone speaking about not being able to spell anymore (oh boy do I understand that one) & math my God I graduated with honors in math now I am lucky if I can add 2 and 2………..I recently lost my business due to this wonderful economy, at least I had somewhere to go (now I literally fear going anywhere)………My poor husband wants his perky, fearless wife back (hey I want that person back too) but I can’t find her anymore.
HELPPPPPPPP thank you ALL for you input and thank you Magnolia for this place to pour out my insanity………….
Hey Sisy,
Yes, I’m still here and I do understand exactly how you feel. Your mother may not remember going through perimenopause or even PMS, but I have a hard time believing that one.
My mother swore she didn’t either – I remember it differently, however.
I went through a battery of supplements too. Though I had insurance, it would not cover non-traditional medical approaches, so I was out of luck on that one. I spent several hundred dollars a month on supplements. Some of it worked. Some of it didn’t.
Here are some tried and true methods:
Soy milk – worked wonders for my hot flashes and night sweats. I know it worked because I stopped drinking it for a month and they came back with a vengence. The latest research says you want soy isoflavins instead of what is found in regular soy milk though. So, you may want to research that one a little more. I just drank your regular soy milk and it worked for me.
Calcium/Magnesium supplements (about 2,000 mgs/day) this helped with irrititability and sleep. I took this at night.
Raw almonds also provide magnesium which helps with sleep. I still eat these at night. It really does work.
Progesterone – I used a natural, non-paraben based progesterone cream for mood swings, irritiability, depression and it helped me to sleep. Again, I used this at night. Depending on the severity of your symptoms you can use it through-out the month. I did under my doctor’s advice
Ambien – this one is debatable. I took it for about 2 years in small doses for sleep. It is a hypnotic drug and sometimes people have weird side effects, like sleep walking and stuff like that. I found some weird side effects I didn’t like so I stopped taking it. But, a lot of people swear by it.
Antidepressants – I took Sarafem (low dose Prozac) for two years or thereabouts for the depression and mood swings. I was so nutso from mine that I felt if I didn’t take them I would end up in a padded room with a white jacket and nice little straps on it. It’s not for everyone, but again, it really worked for me.
I no longer need any of these stuff. I take a small amount of a Tylenol sleep aid at night for sleep and that’s it. I don’t have crazy mood swings anymore. Just a tad bitchy and irritable. I don’t do into a dark, depressive hole anymore. A few days of the blues and it passes.
I would highly recommend that you keep reading and researching to find what works for you.
I have some books in my sidebar that I highly recommend. You may or may not have read them, but check them out. All of them are excellent resources and provide great, up to date information.
And you are more than welcome to keep coming back and dumping your madness here. We need all the help we can get.
Oh yeah, try not to drink too much alcohol and invest in a good pair of running or walking shoes. Get outside and walk or run your buns off. It really, really helps.
Magnolia,
Thank you so much for your quick answer you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Today is one of those low, low, low (did I mention low) ? days the worst of all of this chaos. I will most definately try your suggestions. Now all I need is the strength to go out to the store (did that happen to you ???). I was the person that no one could ever find at home now here I am as I previously said scared to leave the house. I am not a weak woman (well at least I was not before) but I still try to push myself as much as I can to exit the building. I again thank you for posting this site for all of us, women who understand the not quite understandable. I use to joke about women who were going through this and say that they were babies (so Ifigured that God was punishing me for making fun of those women). How did you or anyone for that matter who is reading this explain all of this to your husbands, family, friends,etc. as for me I try hard to explain what I am feeling but there is always that scary silence. Thank you again Magnolia and to everyone who shared their misery. Sissy
hello again Sisy,
You know, I actually never suffered with PMS and never had trouble with my periods. I also looked at women who had a difficult time and was certain they just had ‘issues’. “What’s the big deal?” I used to wonder.
Then when it hit me in my mid-40′s, I went absolutely, smack INSANE! The turning point for me was when I backed my then 10 year old son into a corner and growled like a wild animal……”Don’t you f*uck with me!”
He gasped and his eyes got bigger than saucers and said…”Mommy, that’s not nice!”
Uh, yeah. ya think?
That was when I hot-footed it to the doctor and began my quest to gain control over the uncontrollable.
Husbands. yeah. It’s not exactly something they understand. Some (I hear anyway
) seem to be more compassionate than others, but most have absolutely NO idea what to do or how to handle it.
I did a post last week called “Dear Husbands of a Crazy Perimenopausal Wife” maybe you can point your husband to it? Or maybe not.
I just know that I kept telling my husband over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over………and OVER that it wasn’t about him. It never sunk in. Sigh.
My latest post has a little bit of advice if you want to check that one out too. The fact is, this is a tough, tough time for so many women. I urge you strongly to find out what will help you get through the roughest spots. Learn to say “I’m sorry” ALOT
and hang on.
I’m doing so much better now and do not have raging mood swings anymore. Most of my symptoms, except the heavy periods, have pretty much gone. I still have the occasional hot flash and night sweat, but nothing that is unbearable.
You are so welcome to continue to come by here and unload. You will get LOTS of sympathy.
Glad I found the blog this morning….. It is helpful to read others are experiencing this! I am out of my mind this morning. I had a really tough night – I woke up at least 8 times soaking wet from sweat. I don’t think I have slept through the night in months. I also think I might break down in tears today…..Such a bad choice while at work! I also find that my thought process gets fuzzy. I am a MESS today. I actually tried to get in to my Doctor but the first available appointment is almost a month away. I have always used humor to get through most anything, but I just can’t find anything funny about any of this!
Barbara,
I hear ya girl. There is nothing funny when you are going absolutely nuts from these symptoms. I was exactly the same way just about 5 years ago or so.
In the short-term, maybe you can check out some Soy products for your night sweats? It helped me immensely. You can also try calcium/magnesium for sleep. You can get a supplement or grab a handful of raw almonds right before bed with a warm glass of milk.
I take a Tylenol Simply sleep every night. It is a very low dosage of an over the counter sleep aid. It works wonders for me. If you need something stronger, maybe you can do Tylenol PM until you see your doctor?
Don’t give up. There really are things you can do to help. I plan to do a little research on bioidenticals. So many women swear by them.
I never took them, but did use natural progesterone and estrogen for a while. I also took a prescription sleep aid. Sometimes when your chemistry gets so whacked out, you need some serious intervention so you can sort yourself out and regroup, you know?
Come back often. I am working to build up this blog with lots of resources and help for women just like you.
Thanks for stopping by. And if you really do want to laugh – at someone else – read my “Gopher Broke” post I did the other day.
It’s a real life account of one of my mood swings.
So sorry me again……..do not want to abuse the privledge of this site but well as I said here I am again. Yepper today is the crying feeling useless day. I keep trying & trying to push Magnolia and don’t get anywhere. Last night was the usual (am I asleep am I awake ????) Finally a breakthrough with my husband a huge hot flash came my face red and chest looked like I had just gotten a sunburn (he saw it). He does’nt know what to do but he actually witnessed a mother of a normal thing for me. I do believe I could handle the hotflashes but not this feeling of wanting to go crawl into a ball in the corner somewhere. I did the same thing last night as every night stating and praying “TOMORROW” will be diffferent it has to be because I truly can not live this way anymore….living is the wrong word “existing” is the correct word. I keep thinking there will be a knock on the door and in will come Mr. Answer but my door is knockless………..I am now going on five months without my friend (but I know better) as I went seven months once and boy it came back with a vengence. Had I known all of this I would have bought alot of stock in “tampax” (ha, ha)…well again thank you for listening. I am trying to find some type of free clinic in my area to get some help but no luck yet. Lets see day #5 no shower (I disgust myself) but then I think okay a shower means finding clean clothes, etc. etc. now how screwed up is that. I prethink everything I do even the smallest of things. Thanks again for listening and my love & pity goes out to all of us who find ourselves trapped in this “hormonal nightmare” Sissy
Sissy,
Don’t feel you are abusing this blog. this is exactly why I began this blog. Women are suffering and need to talk about it and at least connect with other women so they know they are not going crazy.
I know husband’s don’t know what to do. They can be wonderful in so many ways, but when it comes to the area of emotions, feelings, hormones, they just give us the blank stare. You can’t blame them though, you really can’t. though when you’re in the middle of a mood swing you just want to assassinate them.
Have you tried Soy milk for your hot flashes and night sweats? It really helped me. Alot. I drank vanilla soy labeled by Silk. It was a life saver.
for the stress, I would recommend walking or some other kind of aerobic activity. the downside of this though is that’s the last thing you want to do. But, if you don’t push yourself out the door, it will only get worse.
You might want to consider a prescription sleep aid until you can get a handle on your sleep patterns. If you don’t have a good doctor to write you a prescription, try Tylenol PM. The lack of sleep will only exacerbate the symptoms.
Go get in the shower and put on some CLEAN jammies.
(just take a cool one 
)
Magnolia,
From your mouth to Gods’ ears………….nope still no strength to get into the shower or do anything for that matter. Just spoke to my Sister now five months without a monthly visit. Oh but it is there just waiting for its suprise. I am trying right now desperately to get into the car and go to my Mothers’ apartment, perhaps a change of scenery will help don’t know Magnolia (so tired) so depressed maybe my Mother can help me. thank you again dear, dear woman…………..
Okay….then CRAWL to the shower.
. Make yourself get out of your house. Make yourself.
Keep coming back to see us – even if you just want to whine. It’s totally allowed.
Magnolia,
Thanks for the helpful tips…… I’m already trying some of them. “Gopher Broke” DID make me laugh…. Certainly a welcome relief!
I have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of weeks and he want to check all my thyroid levels as well as hormones. I’m not a big fan of the doctors office (not mine in particular, just doctors in general), but I realize it’s time to get a little professional advice.
Again, thanks for the sound advice and encouraging words!
Well, I’m so glad you’ve gotten yourself a doctor’s appointment. Though I don’t know if it’s possible to completely and totally eradicate every symptom, if you can manage them until you get through the worst of it, that’s a good thing to do.
And I’m also glad you got a laugh out of Gopher Broke. See? We all go a little psycho with this stuff. Thankfully, I don’t feel like pulling out assault weapons anymore – I just get a pretty dicey mouth.
But at least you know you’re not alone in this fight. There’s lots of us out there trying to get through it just like you are.
Please come back again. You are always welcome to come back and complain, whine or cry.
Update: So…. I went to the doctor to start the conversation about all my symptoms. He was great. He really took his time, listened, and asked lots of questions. All good…..
He prescribed Lexapro. I have been doing some research, and am not sure if this is right for me. The potental side effects sound worse than the benefits. If anyone has an opinion, please let me know….
In addition the Doc found a lump in my breast that needs further investigation. I’m not overly freaked out. We will just wait and see what, if anything it is. I’ll be glad when the testing is complete.
I still don’t sleep, and am an emotional mess, but at least I feel like I am starting to be a little more pro active, and sometimes that alone helps!
Thanks for the conversation….. it helps too! I am in a new city, and missing the daily support of many good friends. I know they are out there but not close enough right now!
One day at a time – right?
Barbara,
Sorry I was slow answering your comment today. I couldn’t find it on my blog for some odd reason. But, anyone, I finally located it. Thank you for stopping back by to update us. I’m so glad the doctor was able to listen patiently. it’s no necessary when we’re stuck in the middle of this stuff. We REALLY need to someone to offer a sympathetic ear.
I’ve only heard of Lexapro and don’t know a whole lot about it. I know it’s an SSRI, so that would make it fall under the heading of antidepressant, correct? Yes, antidepressants do have side effects. On the Prozac that I took, I found that I ground my jaw and teeth and at times I couldn’t sleep, though it was supposed to help with that.
Overall, the drug helped me so I took it and put up with the side effects until I felt I could handle things without it. Not sleeping though will only make all of your symptoms worse. I would try to find something for that first. Even if you need a prescription sleep aid for a while, you should consider it. Sleep deprivation can push you right over the edge.
I’m glad you’re not freaking out over the lump. That can be quite scary too. I had a lump located when I was 25 years old. It turned out to be cysts that came and went with my menstrual cycle. Let us know how that turns out as well.
The conversation here does help. You can definately come here to unload. Please feel free to come any time. We all need it and can support one another.