Thoughts From the Fishing Hole

I’m still fishing.  Sort of.  I’m trying really hard not to think of my blogs 24/7.  It’s not easy.  The OCD type that I am.

But, I needed to back away from the Internet and blogging because, well, life calls.  I have two teens who are really acting like, you know, teens.  One is a girl and the other is a boy.

I guess God felt I really needed a thorough experience with teenage angst.  So, currently, I am sandwiched between estrogen gone wild and testosterone gone totally insane. My own estrogen issues aren’t exactly helping either.  I could do without this experience actually.

But, anyway.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about a post I did recently called The Sound of Silence.  I told you about Christine from The Self-Made Chick who at one time in her life  completely disconnected from external noise and distractions.  For about two years.  It reminded me of a time in my own life where I was pretty disconnected too.

I had no cell phone, no laptop, no personal computer, no email and no Internet connection.  I had a television so small that I actually own purses now that are larger.  My stereo consisted of two small speakers and only played one CD at a time.  Yeah, life was simpler then.  Some might even say I lived a pretty Spartan existence.  But I wasn’t unhappy.

I didn’t exactly enjoy the situation I was in at the time -  going through a nasty divorce and trying to get through business school, raising two toddlers by myself -  but I wasn’t unhappy in the sense that I felt deprived.

In fact, I did things to keep my mind active.  Like, I read. My bible, usually.  I also studied accounting, economics, finance and business law while getting through college. I listened to classical music nightly on public radio and sipped tea or froo-froo coffee. I walked.  I ran.  I played with my children on the playground and I spent a lot of time talking to God and praying.  Though I had a lot on my plate in terms of personal responsibility, I felt remarkably unencumbered.

Now, with an extra child, a husband, a mortgage, two dogs, two and half cats, (the half-cat is a cat that only comes around every now and then ) two birds, one horse and a whole lot of messes to clean up, life is decidedly more demanding.  And hectic.  Would I rewind and go back to the days of a one CD stereo?  Honestly, I don’t know.  Probably not.  But, it’s not like I’m listening to multiple CD’s anyway.  It’s more that I realize my life is much more comfortable and easy now. It’s also noisier and more demanding.  Which makes for much less down time.  Much less quiet time.  Much less fishing hole time.

A lot of people don’t like fishing. Mainly, I suspect, because when you’re fishing you just sit.  In fact, sometimes, you just sit and sit and………sit.  The most action you see are  the mosquito hawks dancing across the top of the lake or sweat rolling down the back of your shirt or pesky gnats buzzing around your face. At least, that’s the way fishing is in Louisiana.  It’s hot.  It’s muggy.  Even at 5:00 in the morning when the Bluegill Catfish are biting.  But, it’s peaceful. And it’s still.  And that’s the part I like about it.  In fact, if a fish comes up and pulls on your line too, well, that’s a bonus.

When you’re sitting on the banks of a muddy fishing hole there is a lot of time to think.  There’s time to sort through your thoughts and perhaps even solve a few things that have been bugging the crap out of you.  Or maybe you don’t think of much at all.  Choosing instead to just sit and stare at the ripples in the water and listen to the gentle waves lap hypnotically against the banks.  That’s okay too.  Because sometimes, not thinking at all is the best thinking you can do.

We don’t give ourselves permission to gaze hypnotically at much of anything it seems, in our high-tech, highly connected, frenetic, modern society.  I guess we’re afraid we’re going to miss out on something if we stop running and simply walk.  And God forbid if we just want to sit down and do nothing.

Sometimes I think the Franciscan monks had the right idea.  Sitting in the mountains.  Singing a few songs.  I bet they even had a chance to hear the wind and maybe even a few gnats buzzed around their heads too.  Maybe that sounded like to music to them.

I can’t say I’ve been listening to the gnats or any waves lapping against the banks or anything.  But, I have been tending to a few things and giving myself permission to disconnect somewhat and do less.  Well, do less online.  I’m not exactly doing less in my day to day life.  I’m just doing different things.

I do plan to return to a more regular schedule of blogging.  That’s part of what I’m trying to work out.  Sifting and sorting through the multiple distractions I have and paring my life down to what is necessary, so that I can keep up with things that I enjoy and want to do – like blogging.  Playing piano would be nice too.  And getting my bed made and actually eating breakfast wouldn’t be so bad either.  You know, little things like that.

In the meantime, I honestly don’t know how long this is going to take.  But, as I’ve said, you can still reach me via comments, email or my contact form and as also promised, I will get back to you within 24 hours.  I’m still throwing up the occasional post at The Perimenopause Blog.  So, you can catch me there sometimes too.

Until then, that sound you hear is hopefully – nothing.