I’ll be fifty-three soon. The average age of menopause (the real deal, ladies) is fifty-two. I’ve managed to by-pass a cycle and suspect I’m about to by-pass yet another one. Glory Hallelujah!
But, here’s the deal: I’ve been having night sweats to beat the band. YOWZA!! I haven’t had any of these in years! I can only presume that my hormones are sputtering to a stop and they refuse to go out without a bang!
Last night and the night before and the night before that – I was hot. Then I was cold. Then I was hot. Then I was cold. And if that were not enough hormonal schizophrenia for ya, I’m sweating like a pig as I type this and my feet are like ice cubes. Sigh.
I inadvertently asked my daughter to turn down the A/C the other night before we went to bed. What I meant to say to her was, “Please turn down the heater“. She dutifully went down and turned on the A/C. God bless her. It was down into the teens that night and a light dusting of snow on the ground.
As I slept with my window open and the ceiling fan blowing, I was very aware of the Arctic chill hanging in the air, yet I was sweating like a hibernating bear under one thin sheet and blanket.
I finally got up to check the thermostat and found the house at a crisp 52 degrees. Did I mention I was sweating???? I adjusted the temperature for the benefit of those not suffering with menopause night sweats and went upstairs and took a cold shower.
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In other news – I recently made a trip to Victoria’s Secret and decided to try on their new line of bras. Which, just so you know, is not actually a new line, but an old line, which I love - Body by Victoria. They have TOTALLY ruined them. I’m disgusted.
But, the worst part was actually trying them on. For the first time since I began this adventure called middle-age, I realized that I’m no longer in the category of “one hot babe”. (at least, not in the Heidi Klum kind of way)
As I swapped back and forth between the 36C and the 34D, (enjoying one fruit of mid-life menopause weight gain ) I became aware of a large amount of excessive skin pouching out of the band. That’s not so bad I guess. But then I touched it. It was squishy. REALLY squishy and soft. Like an old person.
I’m not sure what to do about it just yet, but since then I’ve committed to 5 days per week of yoga, Pilate’s and spinning classes with my sixteen year old daughter. It starts tomorrow.
I plan to come back and tell you all about yoga, Pilate’s, spinning classes and my adventure into Victoria’s Secret. It will be complete with tales of memory foam. Yeah. In the bras. Certainly not in my ass. There’s bound to be a good essay in there somewhere.
See ya then!
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
High-larious!!!
Takin’ me back, Mags. I started sleeping (and traveling if I had to stay overnight) w/my own, personal Menopause Fan a few years back. Changed my life.
And Tom’s.
I’m thinking of starting a Yoga for Fatties class here. I don’t have the Yoga part down yet, but 1 outta 2 ain’t bad.
SO GREAT to read you today. Stinkin’ funny.
You MADE my DAY!!!!
hey Cherie,
Funny, but I wasn’t even trying to be funny.
I guess I should just write more and worry less.
Started Yoga today with my daughter. Yikes. Tomorrow we do “Boot Camp” that just can’t be good.
Be back soon.
Oh Lordie Mags, you make me laugh. Loud.
Can’t wait for those essays on your new attempts at firming that squishy old lady skin. I just may hop on the same bandwagon to deal with mine. AAARRRHHHHGGG!
Hey Cheryl!
Nice to see you and so glad I was able to give you a good chuckle. Yoga class actually went quite well yesterday and I only groaned and grunted mildly while being led through this process by one very “young and extremely fit” young lady with the most glorious looking dancer’s body.
We have another class on schedule today which I really don’t want to go to, but my daughter loves getting out of the house (she’s home schooling this year) and so, for her benefit mainly, I will go. Besides, once I get into the routine it will just be part of my day.
But, until then I’m still searching for excuses not to go. The nice warm bed and a cup of coffee is so much more appealing right now.